+ Fascinating discoveries +
Yeah, this probably shouldn't go here, but it's a continuation of my previous Aunt Flo issues, so there you go. Wow. Comma splice much? I digress.

You know how you're usually afraid to invite relatives to come and stay? And when they do, you want to encourage them to leave? Yeah, well. I would like to extend an invitation to Aunt Flo to please come and stay a while. This habit of showing up unexpectedly and hanging around for a few hours, a day, a day and a half is really getting quite old.

Interestingly, I think - THINK! - she might be settling in for a longer stay. Today I have some pretty strong indications. And I've been a good girl, taking my pill on schedule every day for more than a week now. So I know it's not being triggered from some weird hormone deficiency.

But what's even more interesting is what preceded this particular visit of Aunt Flo. Despite the normal cleansing a woman's body frequently does just before AF shows up, something else happened. The night before last I had (blush) an entire night full of erotic dreams. And I mean HOT dreams. I seriously cannot remember the last time that happened. Okay, I can. I was in my first trimester of pregnancy somewhere, when you have all those wild weird dreams. But even those weren't as steamy as these were. Holy cow. I literally blushed the next day just remembering them - and I remember them, believe me! Whew.

Strange. I wonder if this is going to be par for the course from now on. I won't dread AF so much if I know it'll be preceded by a night of great (imaginary) sex.

(There go my search results. Grand. If you are finding this by searching for sex, go away. This is a baby journal.)

+ Baby Meme +
Stolen from Anne's...

1. Color of baby's eyes? At birth?

Rich, true blue. Like deepest ocean blue. At birth they were a dark gray-blue, also very pretty.

2. Color of hair? Lots/Little? How many (if any) haircuts?

Light golden blonde. Not white-blonde like a lot of little blondies. At birth she had a hint of red in there, but it's since evaporated. She has a LOT of hair, and pretty much always has. She's had one unofficial haircut, courtesy of daddy. We just trimmed around her face a little and evened out the back.

3. Favorite toy of the week?

I guess that would be any book or her stacking cups. Or any stuffed animal. She doesn't really cling to any one toy. She cycles through all of them in any given stretch.

4. Tantrums? Yes/No and what are they like?

Yep, at least learning the art of tantrums in all its glory. She screams and throws her head back. She'll even kick her feet sometimes. Great fun.

5. Newest word?

Hmmmm... I don't know. She "talks" constantly but she still doesn't say a lot of recognizable words. It's kind of strange.

6. Favorite song/ TV show?

Favorite song is probably the Alphabet Song. She'll dance to just about anything though. No favorite TV shows. She doesn't pay much attention to TV, but she'll laugh and dance to the Wiggles. And she thinks Boohbah is pretty interesting too.

7. Favorite foods right now?

goldfish crackers, cheddar cheese slices

8. Shoe size? Clothing size?

She's a 4 ish in baby shoes (up to 5 in Stride Rites, since they run smallish). She wears anything from a size 6-9 month in a few pieces up to size 18 month in a few pieces. The bulk of her clothing is 12 month and fits nicely with a little room to grow.

9. Any other new and exciting moments in the life of your toddler?

Like Anne said, I'm fascinated by watching her try to make sense of the world. She imitates speech patterns and just about everything. She is starting to play make-believe, lining up her stuffed animals "just so" and talking to them. She is starting to recognize, too, when she needs to go potty. It's the first step on our way to potty training, which I had thought would be a really long way off. Maybe not!

+ Tantrums +
Dearest daughter, I have to tell you this is not my favorite part of parenting. I have many favorite parts: morning hugs as I get you out of bed, tickle-fests, sloppy kisses after you've climbed up on me on the couch, "mamamama" when you see me and want something, playing the Fetch Game where you bring me every.single.toy on the shelf one by one. These are all Good Things. Tantrums? Yeah, those are not good. Even Sylvia mentioned it yesterday. She said to me, when I picked you up from school, "I thought she'd hurt herself, she was screaming so hard. But then I realized she was throwing a tantrum. I didn't even know she did that!" Yes. Yes, you do. In fact, you threw a doozie of a tantrum yesterday that involved dog food and physical removal by Mommy from the tempting situation. What did you do? You arched your back, bonked your head (lightly) on the kitchen floor and screamed bloody murder. Over denied dog food. Fabulous. We even had a "kicking and screaming" tantrum over the snot sucker the other day. I actually laughed when you started kicking your feet and shaking your head. It was funny, I'm sorry. Especially since by that point, I was actually done with the snot sucker and you were just pitching a fit for the heck of it.

Each of these ends when I pick you up and hold you, so that's a plus. I know those days are numbered and you'll refuse to be held in lieu of screaming. I also know I'm walking a fine line each time I do it. I do let you get it out first, and don't give in to whatever it is you're trying to get. But I also do pick you up after it reaches its peak, so I can satisfy that mommy guilt that tells me I am supposed to remind you that I'm always here for you. Ah, mommy guilt. More powerful than gravity or super glue. Gotta love it.

+ Bigger +
Some days it just dawns on me how big you've gotten and how different our life is from a year ago, or two years ago. Such an amazement. You're sleeping so well now, it boggles my mind that this time last year I was a babbling sleepless fool. Almost a year ago, on 4/12/03, I went back to work after being on maternity leave since the night of your birth. If I remember correctly, this time last year I was a nervous wreck. Ah, well.

You've got diaper rash again. I'm trying to watch for what's causing this, and I have no idea. You've taken to these late evening naps lately, too, which is actually nice but not really conducive to quality Mommy/Baby time. I'm pretty sure you're going through the "growth" part of "growth spurt" after weeks of eating like crazy. You're eating less now, sleeping more. Fine by me! You fully understand basic commands, requests, instructions. You can bring me anything, tell me you're hungry, feed treats to the doggie, and operate simple things. It's a pretty groovy time to be a parent.

I've also been having recurrent baby wants. I'm holding them at bay and doing just fine, thankyouverymuch. But I still think about it a lot. Of course, if AF never comes back for real (after two days of barely-needed Tampax use, she disappeared literally overnight), I won't have to worry about making that decision. Alas, I'm not worrying about that. I'm really not in a hurry to have her back, and I have an appointment on May 7th anyway.

Well, it's quitting time. I'm off to drop off your Easter film (only about 1/5 of what I actually took; the other roll is still in the camera), and head home to smother you with love. Brace yourself!

+ Easter Goodness +
Whew. That was anticipated as one hellish weekend, and it turned out to be pretty straightforward, thank goodness! Among other things, you had a really good time on Sunday. You got to participate in your first-ever Easter egg hunt in the front yard. You figured it out right away, and did a bang-up job collecting the eggs Daddy had hidden. I took a couple dozen pictures so I'll try to scan those in when they're developed. I didn't take any digital pictures because I CANNOT find my digital camera to save my life. :( I'm very sad about this. I simply don't know where it is. I grant, the house is in a serious state right now, but I searched high and low yesterday to no avail. I'll keep up the search, as I really am convinced it's around. But with my scanner not functioning, I'm kind of limited on new online pictures for a while. Sorry.

(Off-topic, but for a good cause)
Thanks to Dawn for the heads-up to a good cause.
Jew
If enough people put a link like that for the word Jew, we can knock a disgusting anti-semitic site off the top of the google list. What are you waiting for? Go blog it yourself!

+ Sense? No, not making +
I have been doing some digging today, and this stupid mini-pill should not be stopping my menstruation. In fact, it should be encouraging or at least regulating things. Sometimes I'd like a guidebook to the litany of strange goings-on my body engages in, since all of them seem to be out of the norm.

+ Bodies in turmoil + Warning: TMI post ahead...
So, I think I've figured out what's happening with my body, though I don't actually understand it. I am taking the mini-pill as many nursing mothers do. Well, now that you're day-weaned basically, I knew that could have an impact on the mini-pill's effectiveness. My lovely annual appointment isn't until May 7th, so I figured I could get by on this until then. But, you see, I'm not very good about taking it. I've never been all that great about taking the Pill. Even when I WAS having "regular" cycles, it didn't seem I could get pregnant easily. And when I wasn't taking the Pill (which made my cycle regular), I didn't have ANY cycles at all - thus no pregnancy. Add in the fact that my cycle still hasn't actually returned, and, well, I've not been very good about it. I'll take it religiously for a few days or a few weeks, then forget for a day or two - or four.

Well, it's the forgetting that is causing these "periods" I've been having. Each time I forget to take one, a day later (or so), I think Aunt Flo is back. The severity of her "return" is based on how long I don't remember to take the pill. If I only skip a day, I really only spot a day. If I skip three, I end up pretty convinced that she's back, though I still don't have a normal period. Just increased... stuff. That last time I though it was back, I hadn't refilled my prescription, and I think I went four days. Once I started taking it again, it tapered off only to return - yes - today, when I forgot to take it the last two days.

What stumps me about this is the mini-pill isn't supposed to stop your periods, is it? You take it every day. There aren't any dummy pills like with regular, full-hormonal-strength pills to allow your body to purge. I was always under the assumption that your period could and would return while taking the mini-pill, and you would just keep taking the pill right through it.

I guess I'll have lots of interesting things to chat about with my Dr. on May 7th.

The final piece to this is... As AF returns, doesn't return, returns, doesn't return, I am sent in a freakish hormonal flashback to my TTC days. And as my ability to kick-start AF by just not taking my pills starts this whole roller coaster of cause-and-effect scenarios in my mind. If I don't take my pill, my period will probably come back. If my period comes back, and I'm not taking my pill, I could get pregnant again. So if I don't want to get pregnant, I should keep taking my pill. But if I keep taking my pill when my body really does seem to want to start cycling again, am I cursing myself to have irregular cycles again like I have forever, thus hurting my chances to ever get pregnant again. And though I say I'm okay with not getting pregnant now... Wouldn't it be cool?

Ugh.

+ What's new in Ceili Land? +
Well, let's see... You have the cutest singing voice. And all of these crazy mannerisms, and I have no idea where you get them from. You get this determined air about you sometimes, as you start roaming the house, chasing the doggie, whatever. You raise your eyebrows, set your jaw in the most mischievous expression and tromp around. It's so funny, but I have to try to keep from laughing or I'll distract you from your mission. It's even more entertaining when your super-energy kicks in and you start giggling hysterically.

You're learning how to brush those beautiful pearly whites of yours. You insist on hanging out with me in the bathroom in the morning when I'm getting ready, so I've turned it into a good time to show you how to get yourself ready too. You try to brush your hair with your little brush, and your teeth with your little toothbrush. You really like the toothbrush, even when I finally help you out to brush them for real once I'm done with mine. You're just generally learning how to do more things yourself than ever before.

Stranger danger is in full swing! You are increasingly shy and apprehensive around others. Even adults you know! Adults you know and trust (i.e. Grandma, your teacher Sylvia) can take you from me and you don't get upset. But when you first see them, especially if you're standing or walking, and you wheel around to grab my legs and bury your face. I know this is a normal stage, but it's a little frustrating sometimes. And you definitely seem to be afraid of big kids. That's the newest element of this stranger danger. If there's a big kid around, or God forbid a group of big kids, you grab on to me for dear life. Poor baby. I hear this bit lasts for a long time, so I'd better get used to it. But I miss my fearless social butterfly just a little.

Tyson's mommy (the little boy who's been in daycare with you from Day One) spotted me this morning and told me you'd given Tyson a hickey! *thud* WHAT?! I went in and asked Sylvia about it, and she just laughed and laughed. Then she said you'd bitten him. WHY is that funny? Every time they mention that you bite someone, they say it like it's funny. It's not funny. I'm just glad he's okay and that his mother took it good-naturedly. I wish they'd told me, though, instead of his mother having to tell me. Sheesh.

So you, little Miss Hollywood... Stop biting people. Stop flushing the toilet. Stop throwing your bananas down to the doggie. Stop rubbing your cracker-stubbled hands through your hair. Stop grabbing your butt when I'm putting diaper cream on it. Stop putting your hands in the doggie water bowl.

Oh, who am I kidding? Keep it up. That's how you learn about the world. Just get used to hearing, "No. Yucky. Please don't."

+ Fixed +
Kinda sorta. I'm still not thrilled with it, but it's at least easier to read now. Enjoy. :)

+ More happy adoption stories +
Late to the game, as usual, but I want to extend public congratulations to Dawn's family for their new baby girl, Madison. The adoption seems to have gone very well, and I'm happy to move their link down to the parenting blogs. Hurrah!

+ Time article +
Well, the article's out and she didn't even mention us. She used information from people I pointed her to, so that's nice for them. But I really wanted to be able to keep this for your scrapbook. Sorry. I must be pretty boring.

+ Broken +
My blog's broken, my body's broken, the sky's broken. Blah. Well, it's not as dreary as all that to be honest. I still can't fix this stupid template and I would have chucked the whole thing earlier this week if I didn't just adore that picture of you. And my body? Well, my body's never really been very good at the whole menstruating thing (sorry for the TMI), and it would appear that giving birth and nursing for a year+ has not done anything to ease its confusion. I have no idea what it's doing, but I wish it would sort itself out. And the sky? Well, it's just raining and lightning-ing, but that I actually really enjoy.

Alas, it has put a damper on some of our planned weekend activities, so I still have to figure out what to do about that.