+ Bodies in turmoil + Warning: TMI post ahead...
So, I think I've figured out what's happening with my body, though I don't actually understand it. I am taking the mini-pill as many nursing mothers do. Well, now that you're day-weaned basically, I knew that could have an impact on the mini-pill's effectiveness. My lovely annual appointment isn't until May 7th, so I figured I could get by on this until then. But, you see, I'm not very good about taking it. I've never been all that great about taking the Pill. Even when I WAS having "regular" cycles, it didn't seem I could get pregnant easily. And when I wasn't taking the Pill (which made my cycle regular), I didn't have ANY cycles at all - thus no pregnancy. Add in the fact that my cycle still hasn't actually returned, and, well, I've not been very good about it. I'll take it religiously for a few days or a few weeks, then forget for a day or two - or four.

Well, it's the forgetting that is causing these "periods" I've been having. Each time I forget to take one, a day later (or so), I think Aunt Flo is back. The severity of her "return" is based on how long I don't remember to take the pill. If I only skip a day, I really only spot a day. If I skip three, I end up pretty convinced that she's back, though I still don't have a normal period. Just increased... stuff. That last time I though it was back, I hadn't refilled my prescription, and I think I went four days. Once I started taking it again, it tapered off only to return - yes - today, when I forgot to take it the last two days.

What stumps me about this is the mini-pill isn't supposed to stop your periods, is it? You take it every day. There aren't any dummy pills like with regular, full-hormonal-strength pills to allow your body to purge. I was always under the assumption that your period could and would return while taking the mini-pill, and you would just keep taking the pill right through it.

I guess I'll have lots of interesting things to chat about with my Dr. on May 7th.

The final piece to this is... As AF returns, doesn't return, returns, doesn't return, I am sent in a freakish hormonal flashback to my TTC days. And as my ability to kick-start AF by just not taking my pills starts this whole roller coaster of cause-and-effect scenarios in my mind. If I don't take my pill, my period will probably come back. If my period comes back, and I'm not taking my pill, I could get pregnant again. So if I don't want to get pregnant, I should keep taking my pill. But if I keep taking my pill when my body really does seem to want to start cycling again, am I cursing myself to have irregular cycles again like I have forever, thus hurting my chances to ever get pregnant again. And though I say I'm okay with not getting pregnant now... Wouldn't it be cool?

Ugh.